Experiences in life can make us change but our true nature always comes back... I believe in universal love. That is to say, the balance between light and darkness to enjoy every colour of life! This is the reason why I nominated my friend... The parrot on my shoulder!
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. ~ Lao-Tze
I was born in Malaysia during the boat-people. My mother fled our country, Vietnam. I never knew my biological father, but she met my step father in France and she stayed there. I saw him like my father. We are political refugees with a history of war. I have family all around the world! I grew up in a french little village called Budange (Fameck). It's located between France, the German, Belgium and Luxembourg borders. My childhood was insecurity and instability. I was afraid to be abandoned. We weren't certain we'd come out alive when you crossed borders illegally. What mattered to my mother was we had a better future and that the horrors she experienced never started again. I listen to her a lot to learn from her what I can do with wisdom. I enjoy spending my time when she narrates me her story. She was already taking pictures of me from a youthful age. I utilised old cameras in my hands. This is how my passion for photography was born. My step father also. He had an ancient Nikon brand camera.
My brothers, sisters and me, we were not in good terms with our father. We stay strong together and it's better to choose love and wisdom. I had family's conflicts. He tried to take away all my emotions when I was young because he lost faith in everything after war but I'm not a robot... Love is a weakness and he taught me that. I would be violent if someone attacked me and I had some difficult to control my anger: borderline impulsivity. I never agreed with him and I always struggle for my freedom... That is to say, I've chosen my own life! I've chosen to be myself and not that he wanted for me. My parents ended up divorcing. My mother was left alone with five children. We have known poverty but it was worth it, it was at the price of our happiness, our safety and our choice to be. We know what it's like to lose everything overnight! We lift up together.
At school, I drew prodigiously when I was five years old. Books (Encyclopaedia) were my favorite pastime. What did I love to read! It was my bubble before I've met video games, football and radio control car modelling. I went where I could play! I was always one step ahead of learning. Then, I became a brilliant student, smiling, determined and always curious to know everything! I was interested in everything! Nothing could escape me. I speak Vietnamese at home and French outside. It was the choc of two so distinct cultures. I never had problems about racism because we are all migrants. I have French, Italian, Portuguese, Turkish and Algerian friends. We never make difference between us. No problem with religions, traditions, color of our skin or languages. We just want to play, smile and enjoy happiness together! Girls played football with guys, there was no scapegoat! I never forget all my best memories with them... Now, we grow up and I understand that we make different choices for our destiny! Some have their family. For me, I chose to travel a lot and to keep my bohemian life. All people around me always knew that I had soul of an artist in my whole life.
I left school and had a professional life early to help my family. When it was more stable, I've started to build my dream. I've developed a first photography business which called " Rose Von Renkes ". I've failed. Why? I don't want to be a photographer only for fashion, catwalk, brand, business, nightclub, wedding, celebrations or pregnancy, and more... I need something more artistic and I was disgusting about the behaviour of superficials peoples! You know, people who have false self and hide their misery behind their rich face? In french, we call it "bling, bling" and "michto" for a girl who stays with guys only for money. I'm not here to judge them, maybe they were really poor in the past. But, just don't hide me when I can see your pain. I just want people to assume and be honest. I'm not afraid to say that I'm narcissistic to encourage myself! I'm not afraid to tell you that I was borderline impulsivity and I have success to care myself with therapy. If someone attacks me, I could be very violent for my self-defense! It's not a bad thing, that means I know how to protect myself! It's the best way to be loved for who you are because one day, your mask will fall down.
I tried lots of jobs before to find one where I want to stay. My family had lots of restaurants but it was so stressful for me. I was the educator for children who have Handicap or mental trouble. I'm not allowing you to say they're crazy. I kept a child with autism who was able to manage a music orchestra at the age of five. After that, I moved to the teenagers. I listened to them and learn a lot from them. They were like my mirror and constantly reminded my childhood. I always encouraged them for their dreams. I've developed an "Ex-Chrome Art" project alongside my job. I had a stable life. Nice family, nice friends, nice apartment, nice car, a wonderful boyfriend, I have everything but I miss something... I know that I can't stay like this. I will never evolve! Sometimes, bad experiences are here to show the place where I should be. My responsible told me the same: "That would be wasting your potential and missing out on your real life." I can't tell her, but she's right. And then, I've left the "Rat Race" and I've closed all my baggages to flight everywhere!
For eight years, I've worked my project to build an independent little village. A first test with the bamboo house like The Green School Bali and the Venus Project. The place where people can be free with their own creativity. The place where we respect our environment and find solutions for rubbish. We live with nature and stay connected with free animals. Another way to live... where we teach freedom, happiness, self-confidence, emotions, kindness, consciousness, awareness, respect, love, the sharing and encouraging potential of their dreams. When we listen to them, they can grow up, evolve and feel accomplished with their values. Afterwards, they can share their unique vision of happiness and life. Where they learn how to balance qualities and imperfections without judgement, how to love themselves and how to express their inside world. Where they have choice for their way to learn: if they prefer to play, to read or to study. A place where we are Human and responsible. Not a school with thirty children on chairs for one teacher! I've chosen an island in South of Vietnam which names Phu Quoc.
But, I've met my ex-boyfriend who is a project manager in building construction of Luxembourg. My expert psychologist, Pascal Couderc, determined is nature after my testimony and the result: He is a narcissistic pervert of criminal nature. I don't love to use this term because I see him like Human who chose to abandon himself not like criminal. Thanks to him, I've made an immense work in myself and full my trauma during my childhood. I closed my scars correctly. It's not easy to admit child abuse! That's why, I always want to protect them! I don't drink a lot. It's rare. I always drive the car after the party because all my friends are drunk. I never touch, taste and take drugs because my step father taught me this was for weak people. You can be dependant and people can manipulate you or do everything with you. It's better to stay awake and to control your mind. I don't need that to have fun! One night, just before the Covid-19, we were in Australia and I wanted to enjoy the party. This night, I told to my ex-partner that I wanted to drink and if he could take a look for my safety. Yes, sure. He raped me after one year and half of relationship. It's happened. When I'm drunk... After three glasses, I slept. This is his way to submit me. He just wants to destroy me, my project and my dreams. He was jealous of me that I have success and courage to go on despite my past. He is true about something: women have power! That's the reason why he attacked my procreation system. He used some beautiful words of Bible to assure him that he is right! He rejected all my love against me to prove that I'm weak. Yes, it's true, I'm vulnerable. I'm Human with my fragilities, but I keep hoping. I knew what was real love, and he can't change me to be like him. He was educated with culture of rape. This is normal for him. Not for me. An accident never happened three times with different women. There is this kind of personality who hates themselves and Humans. They don't want to let us free but chose to submit and use people! It's not my value and I'm not in the war with him. I'm more intelligent than this, I prefer to use my limited life and my precious time to build the better world of tomorrow! Everyone is the hero of their own story and I decided to be my own heroine...
Life is worth living!
To be continued...
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